Saturday, December 15, 2007

That period between tired and sleep...

I've been trying to fall asleep for about 45 minutes now, and I haven't been able to. I just took a pill called Simply Rest. In law school sleep is pretty valuable, and loosing it means losing a lot of your competitive advantage. The biggest difference between law school and college, at least for me, is how often you are expected to bring your "A" game. The other big difference between college and Law School is how amazingly unpleasant law school is.

I started with nyquil senior year of college. I used it a couple of times because I'd be unable to sleep because of the stress of school/law school applications/etc. Last year I used nyquil until someone suggested just using Tylenol PM. That made a lot more sense to me and recently they came out with Tylenol Sleep, which is the stuff in Tylenol PM that makes you sleepy minus the acetaminophen. Rest Simply is the Duane Reade (tm) generic version. I think its pretty sad that I take a pill to fall asleep at least twice a week, and drink three cups of coffee a day. Sometimes I think that I am a browner, chubbier, less prettier, and more academic incarnation of Judy Garland (she did a lot of uppers and downers). Of course, I am NOT doing drugs and I DO NOT use drugs. These things are over the counter.

Still, I feel that I am being pretty self destructive by using them. I always say "I'll fix myself after law school". But thats not true. After law school I'll be a lawyer and I'll probably still be stressed out. I don't know why its so hard for me to fall asleep and I just hope that it isn't because I am unhappy about what I'm doing.

A friend from college was reading my blog, I don't talk to her much but she asked me if I still went running. That question made me a little sad. There was a time when I'd run from Science Park to Harvard and back. Those were the days, now instead I'm in law school 15 pounds heavier bemoaning what has become of my life. It's gotten pretty bad I feel so disgusted with myself for having gotten so chubby in law school. My friends tell me that I'm "fine" but they are just staying that because they are my friends. I'm excited for next semester, I am joining a gym near my house . I just miss those long morning runs along the Charles River, or the midnight sprints up Newbury street. There isn't much for night running in Westchester.

So here I am, a 23 year old Law Student who wonders what he's doing in "professional school". Who finds it necessary to take a pill before bed, and drink coffee by the liter to get through the day. Anyway, its not like I'm dependent on that sleep aid. It could be worse, I don't smoke, or use amphetamines, or cocaine, or any of the other shit that the bratty kids that I went to high school with do. Except for these pills and the occasional alcoholic beverage, I'm pretty damn straight edge. It's just for finals; hopefully I won't need it next semester .

1 comment:

Amity said...

Dude, quit the coffee. It will stink for a week but you will be able to sleep. I did it! You can too!!