do they know it's Christmas time at law school?

Disclaimer: this post is different than other ones in that I don't have a "point" instead it is merely a recounting of what I did on Friday.

My last final was, well, a lot better than my second to last final that's for damn sure. But I have been finished with exams for two days now and i REALLLLY don't want to relive it just yet.

Yesterday (Friday) was everything that I could ask for. I woke up at 10:30, worked out a bit, and then went to the city to eat Paneer. I went out to dinner/lunch/linner? with a friend of mine from college. I guess shes not just any old friend (which is as far as I'll take it in this post) but shes pretty cool and since I hadn't seen her in a year and a half, I'm glad I did. In fact, I'm REALLY glad that I did.

We went to see the tree, It's amazing that when I lived in Boston I'd see the tree at Rockefeller every year. However, now that I live in New York, I never seem to have time to do "new york" things. So I'm really glad that we got to do that.

Afterwards I hung out with my old roommate and and a couple of other friends from college. My roommate is awesome--easily one of my best friends ever--but the dude is a cross between a really thoughtful person and Todd from "Scrubs". It was fun though because I missed hearing about the man's "exploits" and by exploits I mean him conflating the time he danced with a pretty girl into something that you would talk about on a late night MTV show. At my friend's house we watched Jeopardy. I'm really good at Jeopardy and I usually watch alone; I forgot how much I annoy people by yelling out the answer.

But regardless, It's always good to finish off a case of Corona with old friends. I don't see my college friends nearly as much as I ought to; I know that if I did the pressures of Law School would seem a little bit more remote and insignificant (as they should be). I have some awesome friends in Law School but there's something to be said about the people who knew you "back in the day", and it's all good things.

As a last vignette, on the train home last night three high school girls were in the row in front of me and I was sitting by myself. I made a couple of the obligatory time-passing phone calls but eventually I just relaxed and listened to those girls gab about their incredibly suburban lives.

Why are there so many stops on this train!?!" one of the girls asked. She saw my reflection in the window and she saw me shaking my head. She giggled, embarrassed. "You know, it is the express train," I responded. They didn't seem freaked out so I figured talking to them was as good a way as any to pass the time on the train. "It's your fault for living so far up north," I said. And then she went on complaining about how her parents make her live in Westchester. I wasn't surprised by that, the "boringness" of your town must be the number 1 Westchester complaint. We went on, and I told them that going to the city every day makes me appreciate the calm of the suburbs (if not the two hour commute). When we got to my stop I got up and said "alright you girls have a good night, get home safe and don't talk to strangers." I thought that was pretty slick...

FRICK!!

Today was a rough day; I felt exactly the same way as I did during the Tax Final. Well, maybe not that badly. Nevertheless, a couple of times I considered packing up my computer, going home to Westchester, and never again coming to Brooklyn. What frustrates me the most is the fickleness of law school grading/exams. I feel like I spent half of the fact pattern just figuring out what the hell happened. Aside from the Secured Transactions exam, I feel that the the other two tests hit me like a freaking truck. Well, so it goes. I suppose it could be much worse.

Overall, Law School has been pretty damn disappointing.

I’ve always been an underachiever. In high school my GPA was artificially low because I did not want to be constrained by the heuristic devices employed by teachers. Instead, I chose to do the reading, but not the journal entry, to do well on the test, but neglect to do the homework. That was my way, I suppose, of saying SCREW YOU society.

In college I worked pretty damn hard (nothing like this) but anyone who was friends with me in college knows the ethic that I put into my studies. I actually did pretty well, I didn’t graduate cum laude because my GPA was artificially low thanks to a dismal first year as a pre-med. I was an A/B+ student all the other years, however.

When I graduated I felt pretty damn good about my capabilities and in my mind, law school was just the final step to a career in some sort of professional endeavor. Instead, I have never felt so despondent about my potential to succeed in the “grown up” world. I feel like a donkey that showed up to a horse race.

Anyway, one and done (except for a paper).

PEACE

That period between tired and sleep...

I've been trying to fall asleep for about 45 minutes now, and I haven't been able to. I just took a pill called Simply Rest. In law school sleep is pretty valuable, and loosing it means losing a lot of your competitive advantage. The biggest difference between law school and college, at least for me, is how often you are expected to bring your "A" game. The other big difference between college and Law School is how amazingly unpleasant law school is.

I started with nyquil senior year of college. I used it a couple of times because I'd be unable to sleep because of the stress of school/law school applications/etc. Last year I used nyquil until someone suggested just using Tylenol PM. That made a lot more sense to me and recently they came out with Tylenol Sleep, which is the stuff in Tylenol PM that makes you sleepy minus the acetaminophen. Rest Simply is the Duane Reade (tm) generic version. I think its pretty sad that I take a pill to fall asleep at least twice a week, and drink three cups of coffee a day. Sometimes I think that I am a browner, chubbier, less prettier, and more academic incarnation of Judy Garland (she did a lot of uppers and downers). Of course, I am NOT doing drugs and I DO NOT use drugs. These things are over the counter.

Still, I feel that I am being pretty self destructive by using them. I always say "I'll fix myself after law school". But thats not true. After law school I'll be a lawyer and I'll probably still be stressed out. I don't know why its so hard for me to fall asleep and I just hope that it isn't because I am unhappy about what I'm doing.

A friend from college was reading my blog, I don't talk to her much but she asked me if I still went running. That question made me a little sad. There was a time when I'd run from Science Park to Harvard and back. Those were the days, now instead I'm in law school 15 pounds heavier bemoaning what has become of my life. It's gotten pretty bad I feel so disgusted with myself for having gotten so chubby in law school. My friends tell me that I'm "fine" but they are just staying that because they are my friends. I'm excited for next semester, I am joining a gym near my house . I just miss those long morning runs along the Charles River, or the midnight sprints up Newbury street. There isn't much for night running in Westchester.

So here I am, a 23 year old Law Student who wonders what he's doing in "professional school". Who finds it necessary to take a pill before bed, and drink coffee by the liter to get through the day. Anyway, its not like I'm dependent on that sleep aid. It could be worse, I don't smoke, or use amphetamines, or cocaine, or any of the other shit that the bratty kids that I went to high school with do. Except for these pills and the occasional alcoholic beverage, I'm pretty damn straight edge. It's just for finals; hopefully I won't need it next semester .

My childhood really is dead...

Joe Torre came to the Yankees in 1996. At the time I was an angry 12 year old, furious at Steinbrenner for firing Buck Showalter. This was during seventh grade (I think); I had just outgrown the X-Men and I had stopped buying comic books (ok ok, I'll never outgrow x-men). Joe Torre, Pettitte, Paul O'Neill, Bernie Williams, Mo, Girardi, and Posada became my new team of heroes. I still feel that the Yankees are playing for me, and my city, and my family. I am an immigrant, and to me New York represents the America that I want to be a part of. The president goes to his ranch in Texas because he wants to be with "real Americans" he should come to the BX and see some Americans, especially the immigrants who know what its like to NOT be American and therefore appreciate the opportunity.

When I was in ninth grade I used to argue with my father about EVERYTHING. The only time we ever sat with each other was to watch the Yankees. I really connected with my dad during that time, and I think that for my dad and I (and for countless other father-son pairs) the Yankees are OUR thing.

The word Yankee still has an aura of honor for me and when I wear my Yankee hat or a Yankee t-shirt, I feel like I am displaying my membership in an elite fraternity that consists of the greatest baseball fans EVER.

So, when Torre chose not to accept the offer, I really felt like that 11 year period of my childhood officially ended. To be really corny about it, it was like Charles Xavier leaving the X-Men. A poster on the NYTimes bats blog summed it up well in a haiku:
Since I was a kid
You’ve been New York’s manager
Time to grow up now.
so true. I think Girardi's gonna be great, but it's still gonna be a while until I'm used to Torre not being there.

That's why today was even harder. Clemens I figured would be implicated in steroids, i mean the man has been a monster, and usually players that late in their career are crafty, but he was crafty and STILL had his stuff. It's a shame, and I think Clemens had a great career, but I can't say that I am surprised. I REALLY hope that this doesn't affect his bid for cooperstown, it's something he really deserves and I am fortunate to have watched a legend pitch.

But Pettitte, talk about a punch in the face! He's been around since '96 so we are talking about 11 years. It was so fun to watch him this season, what a tough guy. I think Pettitte's nerves were constructed at the same place they make Volvos. The guy is a TRUCK, his style of baseball is something that people really respect. I considered him to be above steroids. I thought that his success came from a steel heart and not steroid enhanced legs. Well, they say he hasn't done it since a few years ago; I really hope that's true. He is such an amazing pitcher and he the ability to carry a whole city on his back.

BTW how the hell does Selig pick a guy on the Red Sox BOD to do this investigation? I'm not alleging any wrong doing here, but I'd rather they got somebody from a scrappy team like the Royals, or the As. Also, I like how the center of this distribution ring seemed to be in Queens. After last seasons debacle and this...it's probably not the best time to be a Mets fan.

livin on a prayer...

So I'm half way to half way through law school, assuming I pass the two exams that I have thusfar taken, as well as the two next week. Sec trans went pretty decently today I think i made some pretty good analysis, I am feeling really confident about the whole thing.

So what happened after I got home from the exam is, I think, a good illustration of why I don't study nearly as much as I ought to. I planned on getting home, kicking it for an hour, and then breaking out some Con Law until it was time for bed. Instead I went to my little brother's winter concert (he plays the trumpet...and he did just fine). But stuff like this, obligations that I have because I live at home keep me from structuring my day in a purely academic mindset. I know it sounds like I am being selfish, and i did truly enjoy the concert, but in college I was successful in part because i had a really disciplined schedule. Maybe I should get used to it, I am, presumably, going to have a family of my own some day. This is probably good practice for then, but for now its kind of a burden (and blessing).

I still haven't decided how much to reveal about myself through this device. Should I write about all the fucked up and sinful stuff I do every few weeks? And how I resent myself for it? Or should I keep this thing PG? Comments? If anyone actually reads this....which i am sure they don't.

जए सरी करीसन!!!

Feeling mad secure about my transactions

Final #2 is tomorrow, after that it will be a lot better just corporations on Monday and Constitutional Law the Thursday afterwards.

I'm pretty excited about maintaining a blog, the opportunity to write freely is something that comes rarely if at all during law school. I can't imagine that I will have opportunities to write creatively in the future. I suppose that taking advantage of this new fangaled contraption called the internet will give me an outlet for my thoughts. Reflectively speaking, maybe it will afford me some perspective about my days and events that make up these postings.

I don't suppose that this blog will have any sort of theme. Those readers that know me* know that very little about me can be considered a theme. I am one of the more discursive people that one will meet, and I certainly do not stay on topic nearly enough.

But still I imagine that this space will be used mainly as an outlet to describe the events in my life, my opinions about sports (Yankee-jets fan right here), current events, politics, articles, and yes, quite possibly legal issues.

* i say this assuming that people will read this blog. I am aware that the details of my life are not at all stimulating or racy. but if anything it will give me a chance to express myself, and I am in favor of that.

Bechara

WORST
EXAM
EVER
I really cannot describe how badly my Tax final went. I couldn't sleep last night because I could not stop thinking about how big of a mistake it was to take tax during second year. Although I did learn quite a bit about how the tax system works, I think I'll even prepare my taxes this year instead of sitting next to my dad while he does it all for me.

So I couldn't sleep and it was four in the morning. Mind you, I live two hours away from school and my exam was at 1pm. So around 4am I started watching Ramayan. I promised myself that I would get through Ramayan last summer, but I didn't even make it to the half way point. Ramayan, along with letters to grandparents back home, and cleaning my room, has been put on the back burner. But watching it felt REALLY REALLY good. I can't even describe. I watched 20 minutes of an episode and then fell right to sleep....for two hours.

Ok back to my exam. The first hour, it was like the laws of math were against me NOTHING worked. I started freaking out I couldn't think straight. I got about 40% of the first problem done and then went to use the gentlemens' water closet. When I came back I worked on problem #2 and that one went pretty well. And then I went back to problem #1 and i was able to finish it pretty good. I am hoping and praying for a B- in this one. But Tax was my hardest.

Secured transactions is tomorrow so thats all the posting for now.

Peace out cub scouts!!!